Nothing builds real frustration or brings you to tears quicker than trying to start and mow a rather long lawn with an old (30years) and very temperamental lawn mower. Firstly I couldn't get the thing started, I'd had a number of attempts yanking the starter cord when it suddenly dawned on me that maybe the thing needed petrol -hmmmmm- which it did and sadly we had some. I say sadly because if we hadn't had any petrol this whole experience would have been over before it had begun and I wouldn't now be feeling tired and annoyed esp when after all my hard work I find that although the lawn is shorter it looks terrible - no bowling green in my back-yard. So I've decided that I need a new lawn mower - it was a unilateral decision seeing as there was no-one here to discuss it with and after all why shouldn't a girl spoil herself once in a while with a nice new shiny ............. lawn mower?!! If the next one latest as long as the last I'll be all set :0)
So what sort of lawn mower do I need? Well something that starts first pop and has different cutting levels would already be a HUGE improvement on what I have now. Nothing to heavy cause I am a member of the fairer sex after all and don't have heaps of arm muscle - yet!! Mind you if I keep using the old mower I'll be building those muscles pretty quickly I'm thinking. I can see a lawn mower buying trip with my dad happening soon and maybe while I'm 'shopping' I'll replace the wheel barrow too cause ...... well don't get me started on that thing - something along the line of rust and holes and a very flat tire.
I have a dear friend whose hubby has been coming to mow my lawns and I have really appreciated that, but sometimes a girl has to do what a girl has to do and today this girl decided since the weather was good she'd mow the back lawn - esp as come Saturday it'll probably be raining - again!
It was great to be outside in the sunshine, and now that the lawn is done - albeit not looking the greatest I did notice that the pot gardens could also do with a weed and tidy up. Hopefully the weather will stay good and I can get some more things done outside tomorrow.
This past week I have been continuing with the inside sorting - all the 'stuff' I'd sorted has gone to the Op shop so the car is once again safe and sound in the garage. I cleaned the bathroom from top to bottom and also washed all the windows that I could reach. I have rehung the short nets that I'd taken down when we put the house on the market and I listed a whole lot of things on TradeMe. I have also sorted through my HUGE fabric stash and am planning on selling some of that too. I also went to Bible Study for the 2nd time since Roy died.
I have been asked by a couple of people if I am still wearing my wedding ring and the answer is no I'm not. I haven't worn my official engagement ring or wedding band for years as they are gold and I'm not a gold girl - I love silver. The set I was wearing instead I took off soon after Roy's funeral and now I wear a dress ring on that finger instead. For me it was just too hard to still wear my 'replacement' wedding rings, maybe part of it has to do with acceptance and maybe a little bit with moving forward as a single person. I am happy with the choice I have made and maybe one day I'll put the set back on but it'll be because I want to wear them and not because they hold any significance.
The other thing I've been recently asked is what am I going to do for Roy's birthday which is on the 1st September - this is a really hard question to answer and I'm not sure. I think it's something I need to talk about with the children and see what they suggest or think.
All in all it's been another good week and yet there where moments when I'd hit a wall so to speak and I'd suddenly just dissolve into tears for no apparent reason. This week for the first time I had a moment where something had happened and I consciously remember thinking - I must tell Roy about that. That was a hard lonely moment. At times I still feel very sad and very lonely, but for the most part I'm doing pretty good really and I continue to face each day in the Lord's strength.
In my devotion this morning I read the following which I found really comforting and encouraging.
"God declares to His children, "I have loved you with an everlasting love." Jeremiah 31:3. God draws us to Himself for the sheer pleasure of it. He loves us not for who we are, or what we do, or who we can or will be. He loves us because He created us, because, when we accept Christ as Lord of our life, we belong to Him. We are His beautiful and precious creation. Like one-of-a-kind pottery, above all else He treasures our innate worth. We are immensely significant, and our value does not depend on anything we do, think, say, feel,earn, inherit or look like. We are significant because we are God's creation. Nothing more. This is a profoundly simple reality." Judith Couchman
"Thou hast made us for Thyself, and the heart of man is restless until it finds its rest in Thee" Saint Augustine
Till next time.
Love and blessings