Sunday, 14 August 2016

Goodness the last time I wrote was way back in Feb, where has the time gone??  So much has happened since then, where do I start??

I guess a good place is with an update on my ankle, which, as it turns out is the reason I have time to sit and write.  I got to see the orthopedic surgeon at the end of May who told me I had a collapsed ankle and that I needed surgery.  So right at this moment I am sitting with my leg in a red cast after having had an op on my ankle 2 weeks ago.  The op took two and a half hours and involved cleaning up and reattaching the very damaged tendon and re-positioning and screwing in place my heel, hence the cast which I am not allowed to weigh bare on for 6 weeks.  Once the cast comes off I will be in a moon-boot for another 6 weeks, all up a long recovery.  I went from being told that it was only going to be one night in hospital to staying almost a week. This was mainly because I have a number of stairs at my house and they would not let me go until I could get up and down them.  I am very thankful to Dad and my brother Ron who came and put in handrails for my internal stairs or there would have been no way I'd have been able to get up them except to bum shuffle - while that's all very well in theory it's not so great in practice, believe me I tried when I still had 2 good legs. The tricky part is that somehow you eventually have to stand up again.  I am now able to hop up the stairs which it a pretty good work out and coming back down hopping is a breeze.  The outside stairs already have a good solid rail which was put in when Roy was first sick.

Recovering physically from the op is going well.  Although getting around on crutches is way harder work than I thought it would be I am managing - slowly and carefully. Thankfully I have no pain at all, but more a discomfort of being in a cast. I am sleeping well at night which is good.

Mentally however I'm not doing so great.  I'm very fragile emotionally at the moment.  I know some of that is post op related, but it is also missing Roy related.  When you are 'healthy' and independent you get on with life, and to be honest pre surgery I was happy with my life and very content. But post surgery I am struggling with no longer being independent and it makes me miss Roy so much.  As much as I really, really, really appreciate all the help I have been getting from my Mum and Dad who come every day to help with this or that and my friend Diana who came to stay a few nights when I first got home, it doesn't really replace the support Roy would have given me. I really dread the weeks to come.  All those feelings that I thought I had worked through - loneliness, sadness and grief have bubbled back to the surface and it's just like I'm back to where I was when Roy died 3 years ago.  My heart aches and the last few days tears seem to be a constant companion. On the one hand I am cross at myself for feeling like this and on the other I can't seem to shake myself out of it.  I know I am not alone, that the Lord is my rock, my strength and my comforter, but sometime I just want to be held in loving arms and told 'Babe you're going to be ok, we'll get through this together.'  So that is really why I decided to blog again after such a long absence.  I have too much time, esp this weekend to be in my own head so I'm hoping by writing it all down it'll help.  Please pray for me.

Tomorrow I have to go back to the hospital to have my cast removed and get the stitches out of which there are quite a few on both sides of my foot.  I am looking forward to being cast-less if only for a half hour.

A lot of other things have happened since I last wrote.  All 4 grandchildren have had birthdays.  Inge is now 5, Noah 3, Asher 2 and Tilly 1.  They grow up so fast.  Grandbaby # 5 (a boy) is due in a few weeks.  Exciting.

The other BIG news is that I have a job.  Yip you read that right I have a job.  I am the new office administrator for Hinemoa House.  Hinemoa House is a Christian not for profit Trust based in the lower socio economic part of town.  The roll is challenging with lots to learn, esp in the area of financials.  I was so overwhelmed when I first started and wondered what I had stepped into esp as there was only a week for the change over.  It was pretty much sink or swim.  Now I am enjoying it and am slowly making the roll my own.  I work for Hinemoa House 5 mornings a week and am still able to work at English Language Partners 2 afternoons a week, all up that gives me 25 hours a week of work and as a result I have finally been able to say goodbye to Winz - freedom!!

When I was interviewed for the job I did know that my surgery was coming up so the Board were aware of it, however it has meant using my sick days already and going back to work maybe a bit quicker than I should have - home Monday afternoon back at work on Tuesday morning ;0)  I am thankful to Diana who has agreed to be my taxi service for as long as I can't drive.  At least being at work gives me something to do and helps make the time go by a bit faster.  There would be nothing worse than being stuck at home everyday for the next 6 weeks.

Another highlight that has recently happened is that our new church building has been finished and we are now worshiping in it. What a blessing to finally have a place that our congregation can call home.  Yesterday we  celebrated the official opening of the new building. It was wonderful to celebrate with so many people from far and near.  The singing was amazing.  We give thanks to the Lord and pray that He will make us a blessing in the Foxton community.  To Him be the glory.

Well I guess that about brings you up to date with some of the goings on in my life for the last few months.  Thanks for 'listening' to my rantings and ravings. I do feel a bit better now I have it off my chest.  This blogging thing continues to be very therapeutic for me and I pray that those of you who take the time to read what I write may also be blessed in some small way.

Through all the turmoil and the ups and downs I continue to fix my eyes upon Jesus in whom my hope is found.  He will never leave me or forsake me and I trust that He will continue to supply all my needs.

Until next time, may the Lord watch over you and bless you.

Much love and blessings