Saturday, 20 June 2015

Rain, rain go away we've had enough this winter!!

I decided that since it was raining - again, that today was a good day to catch up on some blogging.

On the subject of rain - it has rained pretty much for the last 48 hours (actually I'd say it has rained off and on for the most of June) and the region is suffering because of it with flooding, slips and road closures.  The flow of traffic past my place today is very low as currently no-one can leave Wellington - State Highway one (the main road north for non NZ readers) has been closed just south of Levin due to a bridge being washed out.  At this stage it will take them 24-48 hours to fix and the continuous rain is not going to help.

Rivers are high and overflowing in places, farm land is covered with water, streets are flooded as the drains just can't cope with the volume of water falling out of the sky and sadly some people have water flowing through their homes.  Thankfully I am not affected as my house it high off the ground except for the garage and at this stage the water hasn't come in there.  My carport does however have a pool in it as the water just can't drain away.

So while the sky continues to leak I am sitting in my lounge with the fire going and no great plans for the day except to hopefully catch you up on the last few months.

Looking back I see that I lasted blogged on the 9th of April - wow that's a while ago.  I see that at the time of writing I had little to no voice - believe it or not it took me 3 weeks to finally get my voice back to where it stayed around all day ;0)

A lot has happened since I last wrote.

For a start I have made 2 trips down to Wellington all on my own - I feel so proud and grown up ;0).  The first was a weekend down to go out with a group of friends to see the musical 'Singing in the Rain' - ha seems very apt to be writing about that now considering the weather outside.  It was  Loved it, loved it, loved it.  What an awesome way to step out of the cares and worries of your everyday life for a few hours.  The songs were catchy, the cast was very professional, the story was easy to follow, we laughed a lot and we were all really glad we didn't have seats to close to the stage in what was called the splash zone as those people definitely got wet when it 'rained' on stage - they did get given rain coats!  It was a great night out with a wonder group of ladies and nicely rounded off by catching up with friends at Church the next morning.

A few things happened before I made my next trip down to Wellington.

One was that I finished my weekly trips to look after Noah as Aimee went on maternity leave.  It left much more of a hole than I thought it would, although to be honest I don't miss the very early morning starts or the driving too and from Palmy in the dark.  The second significant thing that happened was the arrival of my beautiful grand daughter Matilda (Tilly) Elsie Waite.  Tilly was born on Monday 25th May and weighed 7lb 8 oz.  She is as cute as a button (but then Oma's always say that about their grand children) and at this stage a very easy baby.  Noah is pretty proud and loves to help out at home.

Photo taken by Keepsake Photography

 My second trip to Wellington was to go and celebrate Dad Nugteren's 90th birthday.  An awesome achievement considering he was at deaths door just before Christmas.  We had a lovely morning tea for him at the rest home with family and friends coming from far and near to be part of this special occasion.  Dad was very well that day and seemed to enjoy himself very much.

A week after Dad's birthday was the 2nd anniversary of Roy's death - the 8th June.  Why does it seem such a long time ago and yet it's only 2 years.  That is such an odd notion!!  There's a saying the time heals all wounds and I guess in a way it does - although maybe not heals but makes it easier to bear.  I have days where I don't think about Roy at all and other days when he is often on my mind.  Maybe it depends how busy I am with life and living.  Sometimes I have melancholy days, esp on rainy days or when I get another no response to a job application,  these are times when everything is just way to hard and I'm so tired of it all - tired of applying for jobs, tired of being rejected, tired of juggling finances, tired of being on my own ......and the list goes on!! They are days where I struggle with this new normal that is now my life.  Maybe some of that feeling of melancholy is due to frustration - the frustration of feeling ready to move forward with my life but not yet knowing in what direction I'm meant to be going.  I have learnt to allow myself these little moments as a way of processing whatever the current situation has thrown my way.  A lot of praying happens during these times of struggle, a lot of asking God why, when and how long and often with tears, but thankfully God is gracious,  He doesn't allow me to become overwhelmed with self pity and I am able to pick myself up, carry on and face the world again with a smile on my face.  God has also blessed me with good friends and family who are a listening ear when I need them.

Aimee and the children came down to spend the 8th with me which was really nice.  Nothing like Noah and baby Tilly cuddles to make it a great day.  My parents popped in for a quick visit - mainly to see their great grandchildren ;0)  and Diana and her sister Johanna came for dinner that night - actually they brought dinner and I made apple pie for dessert - yum.  All in all it was a good day - lots of memories and sharing and thankfully very few tears.  Thanks to all those who sent me messages, txts or phoned I really appreciated it.

I am pleased to say that I am definitely in a better head space this year than I was last year and although I don't want to sound conceited I am actually please and proud at how much I have achieved since Roy's death and also at how far I have come.  I have discovered I am a way stronger person than I ever thought I was, although it probably was always there, but it didn't need to come out as much because Roy had always been there to 'take care of things'.  Now I have to stand up for myself because there is no-one else to do it for me.  You get on with life and all that entails because you actually have no other choice.  If that means that I've become a stronger women than that's fine with me.

The job situation is as it was - I'm still applying for jobs without too much success.  I did have a phone interview for one job which is a bit of progress I guess but didn't get to the interview stage.  I recently did apply for a job that I was really, really keen on but that didn't pan out either, which I was quite sad about for a day.  Thankfully my good friends from Australia - John and Trudy - are here at the moment and they took me to Palmy with them for some Mall therapy as John calls and a catch up with Aimee, Noah and Tilly.  That was just what I needed and I am really grateful that they thought to include me.   There seem to be a lot more admin positions coming available locally so when I see them I apply, I then leave it in the Lord's hands asking Him to open the correct door.  Patience is a virtue so 'they' say, I must be brimming with virtue by now ;0)

My study continues to go well and I am now up to the last assignment.  I have really enjoyed studying even if at times I found it really frustrating and hard to understand.  It was actually good to go to the Church AGM this week and understand the budget, profit & loss statement etc.  In the past they were just a bunch of numbers to me but know they have way more meaning and make sense.  I did have a wee glitch which meant I had to put my study on hold for a few weeks.  The hard drive on my computer decided it had worked hard enough and was going to give up the ghost.  Thankfully it gave me fair warning and I was able to back up all my files.  Off  the computer went to visit my brother Ron to see if he could fix it, which he could cause he is so clever.  I felt quite pleased that I had backed everything up, however a week later it suddenly occurred to me that  moving an icon from your desktop to your external hard drive does not back up and save that file - I'm not sure why I even thought it might. I had thought I had saved the book I was making about Roy onto my external hard drive when all I had saved was the desk top icon.  In a bit of a panic I sent Ron a txt to see if it was still saveable and he assured me that he was still able to access the hard drive and would therefore save the book for me so I didn't loose it - phew!!  Being computer less for 3+ weeks was really hard.  The 'old' computer down stairs still goes but it was really slow and it was also really cold having to sit down there to use it, it also wasn't able to run some of the programs I needed for my course, but I was able to take the work laptop home a few times which was really cool and meant I could continue with my studies.

Work continues to go well and I still love the job, it's just a shame there isn't enough funding for some more hours.  I am being given more and more responsibilities and David (my boss) is quite happy to leave me 'in charge' if he has to be in Kapiti for the morning or if he has a meeting to go too.  He usually leaves me as much work as he can find and my goal is to empty my table and fill his.  This is generally achievable.

Last time I mentioned about continuing with the card making group and I must say it has gone very well.  So far we have met twice, always on the first Wed of the month and to date we have made 4 cards.  Usually there are between 6-7 of us and we have a great time of not only card making but fellowship too.  Next month we are going to make some Christmas cards - I better put my thinking cap on and come up with some ideas.

Oh that is some news I haven't told you yet - I finally have a case manager at Winz -  Yip third time lucky so to speak.  She is a lovely enough lady, not overly helpful but at least she is sticking around.  This coming week will be my third visit with her.  I have to go and see her every 4 weeks - unfortunately.  I'm not sure what it is exactly but it always puts a damper on my day when I have to go for a Winz appointment.  It's hard to describe but I hate having to go there and it leaves me feeling a bit 'meh' when I've been.  The sooner I no longer have to have anything to do with them the better.

I mentioned earlier about the book I have been making for my grandchildren about Roy - well it's all done and I am quite pleased it.  I have ordered 5 copies one for each of my children and 1 for me.  I am hoping that they will arrive early next week.  I can't wait to see what they look like.  The other thing I have done is go and inquire about a headstone for Roy.  The plan at first was to have a wooden (rimu) cross made up and have a brass plaque attached, but after some discussion it was decided that this would not weather so well and would eventually need replacing.  We are now looking at a black granite plaque with a smooth face but raw edges for that out doors feel that was so much part of Roy's life.  I had thought that doing this would be emotionally hard, but it hasn't been the case at all.  The man at the funeral home who I talked to is a lovely, kind gentle man and I think that helped too.

In two weeks time I'm off to Christchurch to celebrate Asher's first birthday - wow 1 already.  I am so looking forward to it.  Maybe we'll get snow - that would make a nice change from the rain.  I will def be packing winter woollies.

Well I think that's about it for another epistle.  Goodness it has taken me almost half a day to write this, although I did get visitors half way through.  Before I end I'd just like to say it is still raining and doesn't look like it's going to stop anytime soon.  I will definitely have to watch the news tonight.

Now it's time to make dinner.

Until next time.  Stay safe and God bless.

Love and hugs