Wednesday, 5 June 2013

Week 2 - Wednesday Update.

My husband is dying a little bit more each day and it is so heartbreaking and hard to watch.

Today when I arrived with my Dad and Mum Roy was asleep in the chair.  He sort of woke when he heard us but he had a lot of trouble staying awake.  He was able to tell us that he had had visitors already this morning, but he seemed pretty vague about it so I wasn't sure if it was true or not until I received a txt from the said visitors to say that they'd been.

Interestingly the nurses apparently always report that Roy is doing very well first thing in the mornings when they see him, but by the time the doctor gets there he has declined - a lot.

Roy only managed to eat a little of his lunch - half a cup of soup and half a bowl of butterscotch pudding.  He needed help as he keep falling a sleep and nearly ended up wearing the soup.  He told me during lunch that he had slept all night from 8pm - 8am without getting up to go to the toilet - something he hasn't done since before he had his bladder op, due to having no feeling in his bladder and needing to empty it at regular intervals - Roy said that the nurses weren't worried about it.  I spoke to the nurse and she confirmed that because he was drinking less they expected less output so I guess that makes sense.

After lunch Roy had a sleep in bed  - he is definitely jerking less but his breathing is very shallow now and he makes some funny hic-up sounds.  He slept through one lot of visitors although did seems to see them when he left and later when he woke he remembered who had been, so he must of heard the voices.

When the next lot of visitors arrived Roy was relatively awake and he was able to interact a bit - although he did often seem to drop off.

Something I have noticed is that Roy has become emotionally detached - he doesn't ask how I'm doing, what I've been doing or if I am doing ok.  When a friend thanked him for all he'd done throughout the years they'd known him his face was very passive and he seemed distant, although he did say thank you. It is actually very hard to describe.

This afternoon I did ask Roy if he was ready to go home (meaning to be with the Lord) and this big smile spread across his face and he said yes, I'm at peace.  My prayer is that the Lord calls him home soon so that he no longer has to suffer, as much as I hate the idea of living life without him.

When I prayed this morning for the Lord to remove this cup of suffering, I suddenly realised  that my suffering is just a drop in the bucket compared to what our Lord suffered before His death on the cross.

I feel very emotionally drained today and very tired even though I haven't done anything physical.  It is nice not to have to travel all the way home as I am spending the night with Aimee, Richard and little Noah.

Blessing to you all, sleep well and remember life is short so love and cherish those close to you.


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