I guess the New Year is a time for reflection on the past and looking forward to the future. On that note the reason I am blogging today is because today a year and a half ago the Lord called Roy home to be with Him. Yip it's been a year and a half - 18 whole months. Amazing really - where has the time gone and yet it seems so long ago. So much has happen in the last 18 months - I have learnt a lot about myself and what I'm able to do. I have especially grown spiritually. The last 18 months have been both hard work and yet very rewarding as well and I can honestly say that I have only come through them because the Lord has been at my side guiding me along the way.
"They" (those mysterious people who seem to know everything) say that it (grief) gets easier with time, but I'm not so sure about that. I think it's become easier to hide my emotions and feelings from those around me. When I do have a 'meltdown' (yip they do still happen occasionally) I do so in private. The people around me have moved on with their lives (as is only natural) and I guess I try to portray the image that I am too, that I'm coping just fine and life is sweet, and actually for the most part it is and I am doing fine. I get up in the morning and I do what needs to be done. I love spending time with family and friends, going to work, looking after Noah, sewing or pottering around the house and garden. All those normal everyday things, that make life normal. I have become comfortable living alone. Very much so in fact - maybe almost to much so. I like having my house neat and tidy - just so!! I like having smaller loads of washing, less dishes, less mess. I'm even getting used to cooking smaller meals and I esp like not being 'accountable' to anyone. And yet I miss belonging , being connected if you like. Sure I'm connected to my children, parents and friends, but they all have their own lives. I miss being part of a couple and that is not getting easier with time esp at family gatherings, which are always wonderful and I love going to them or having them at my place, but they are bittersweet as they are often also very, very hard. I miss being connected to that one special person and that has not gotten any easier over the last 18 months. Maybe over time and with the Lords help that too will get easier. I know that God has given me the strength so far to walk the path set before me and my daily prayer is that He will continue to remove the feelings that hinder my walk with Him and that He will give me His peace and guidance.
I found this lovely quote which is part of a poem by Minnie Louise Haskins, those some of you who are my friends on Facebook will have seen there. I think it's a great way to view the new year.
I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year:
"Give me a light, that I may tread safely into the unknown!"
And he replied:
"Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God.
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way."
"I don't know how my story will end, but no where in my text will it ever read .....'I gave up.'
I don't know exactly what 2015 holds for me, but I sure am looking forward to finding out. I know that the Lord has it all in His hands and He will reveal His plans for my life when the time is right. It's kinda like an adventure ;0) and who doesn't love an adventure. I guess it's about opening your heart and mind to new possibilities. Life's too short so lets enjoy it, making to most of each day by reach out and share it with others.
Which reminds me one thing that will be happening this year, God willing, is that I will be an Oma again of grandchild number 4. Aimee and Richard are expecting a baby, which means Noah is going to be a big brother. Baby Waite is due in May. So exciting.
A lot has happened since I last wrote a month ago What with Christmas and New Year and family coming and going and coming and going.
The week before Christmas I had Ryan, Ineke and Inge come for a few days, which was really, really lovely but way to short. While they were here we spent a bit of time in Palmy with the Palmy based family members. Inge and Noah got on really well. Noah was more than happy ( for the most part) to let Inge 'mother' him and drag him around, it was so cute to watch. That week Dad Nugteren took a turn for the worse and was admitted into hospital with suspected kidney failure. The doctors did not expect him to survive and we were all thinking we'd have a funeral before Christmas. That however turned out to not be the case as he was actually severely dehydrated. Since then he has actually rallied and although still very weak and frail is doing ok, but some days are better than others.
The weekend before Christmas I had niece Melinda and nephew Julian come and stay for Sat and Sun nights - Julian came to do some preaching at our church in Foxton. Then on the Sunday Tim, Yvette and Asher and their small dog George arrived and Aimee and Richard dropped Noah off as they had very early starts leading up to Christmas. So I had a house full which was busy but actually really nice. It was interesting to watch Noah and Asher together - Noah really had no interest in Asher at all. Maybe that's a boy thing or an age thing. Asher is a real cutie and a very happy wee man with a ready smile.
During this time I also got sick again - going down with a bug that both Tia and Aimee had - Joel also was not well. That is one thing I can def do without this year. I think 2014 had enough sickness to cover a few years.
On Christmas eve Aimee and Richard came to pick Noah up and then on Christmas day after Church we all headed to Palmy and spent Christmas Day at Aimee and Richard's along with Joel and Tia, my parents and Ron and Maria Tine (my brother and sister in law). We had a wonderful day with glorious weather and way too much food. Tim, Yvette, Asher and George stayed at Aimee and Richard's that night as they had an early home to Christchurch the next day and I headed home alone to my empty and very quiet house. Mum and Dad popped in on their way home as they thought I might be a bit sad and lonely - what a blessing they are.
After the busyness of those 2 weeks it was actually nice to be able to 'put my house back in order' - by doing housework and getting the lawns done. Mum and Dad came on Boxing Day for a 'left-overs' dinner and then on the Sat evening Diana came over for dinner as she was home alone as her family had gone down south for a family reunion. Diana has trouble walking and the trip would have been just to much for her. We had a great time together as we always do.
Monday saw me heading back to Palmy to look after Noah and Tuesday I headed south to Wellington to pick up Ryan who was coming to stay for a few days before he flew back to England. It was great having him come and stay and together we played heaps of games of Carcassonne (a game Roy and I used to play regularly as in every Sunday after church). It was great to be able to play again and although Ryan won more games than me we were pretty evenly matched - or maybe he was just being kind to his mother eh Ryan!!!!
New Years eve was a non event this year as the next morning I had to make another trip to Wellington to take Ryan back to the airport. This time Mum and Dad came to and we first went to see Dad Nugteren in Lower Hutt and then we went to Whitby to have lunch and spend some time with my sister Carolyn and the family. We dropped Ryan off at the airport at 4pm and were back in Levin for dinner at Cobb and Co (Dad's shout) by 5.30pm.
This past week I have been busy sewing a custom order of 4 cushion covers and 2 pillow slips which are off with the buyer to Croatia. I just have to sew on the buttons which is tomorrows job and then they are off with the courier. I also spent a day catching up on all the business stuff which I had let slide due to having visitors and the Christmas/New Year break. Dad and Ron have been and have made a good start on my new wood shed, which I hope will get finished off before the end of the month. Yesterday I went to the funeral of a friends daughter who had died after a battle with cancer. Diana came for dinner again last night and we chatted until nearly midnight - oh the things we talked about - such fun!!!!. Consequently though I slept in by mistake this morning which mucked me up a bit as I had a coffee appointment with Mum and Dad. This afternoon I did all the lawns (which thanks to the rain we keep getting haven't stopped growing yet). I also got 3 loads of washing done, weeded and planted more vegetables in the veggie garden, washed the dog, tried to brush the cat as she keeps loosing fluff all the time - this plan was not as successful as I'd hoped as Pixie was not at all impressed. I did manage to get a bit of fluff off her but I got a number of claw puncture wounds as my reward. Pixie is not at all happy with me at the moments and runs away every time she sees me.
I am enjoying having a 'holiday' although I keep getting confused what day it is. I was sure today was Saturday!!! Next week work starts again which will be nice and it'll put me back on track.
Well this edition has taken me all evening to write, but I am finally done. I think I'll 'unwind' with a episode of Magnum PI before heading to bed - I've been watching them on Youtube since there is nothing worth watching on TV. They made good stuff back in the 80's.
Until next time.
Love and blessings