Maybe it's a winter thing, but the last few weeks have been pretty hard going. It's been so bad that I've even stopped going swimming in the morning - mind you the freezing mornings have definitely had something to do with that, but I'm not even motivated to take Jack to the dog park when the weather is good. I don't sew anymore either - I have a number of unfinished things waiting for attention and I have no interest at all. The only time I enter my sewing room these days is to get out the vacuum cleaner - see it's bad I'm definitely in a rut!!!!
Now don't get me wrong the last few weeks haven't been all bad - there have been plenty of high points/blessings but these have been a wee bit overshadowed by the lower points. Over the last few weeks I applied for 3 more jobs and got 3 'rejections' back. That really has put a dampener on my self confidence and has left me feeling very disheartened. I guess I'm itching to get on with my life, move forward if you like and I'm not sure how or where I'm meant to be going.
So how do I move forward?? I'm past the coping, sorting, coming to terms stage, I'm ready for the what's next stage but I have no idea how to move forward from the rut I now find myself in.
I want???????????????????????? I want?????????????????????????? What do I want????????????
I want my old life back - a happy content life where I am financial stable, had a man who loved me, goals and dreams ..............
These days the goals and dreams seem too hard. I'm tired, lonely and yip feeling very VERY sorry for myself.
And then the Lord gave me a much needed kick in the pants with some very thought provoking sermons, a wonderful series of books I've just finished reading and here I am feeling like blogging again.
I have become anxious because I have lost sight of the power and work of the Lord in my life. God is my refuge and fortress, in Him I trust (Psalm 91:1-2). I can trust that He is in control of all things for He takes a personal interest in my life. God claims my trust for He has done great things for me through the death and resurrection of His Son. To quote the words of a favourite song - In Christ alone my hope is found, He is my light, my strength, my song; my Comforter, my All in All, here in the love of Christ I stand.
And so I strive to stop trying to do things in my own strength but to rely daily on His strength. I strive to seek Him daily for my comfort and peace. I strive to work on being patient, on waiting on the Lord to reveal the path He has set before me, a path which will be revealed in His good timing and I strive for a closer walk with Him.
Is it easy???? Nope I'm as human as any of you, but I know that with the Lord's help I can do it. As I said I'm itching to move forward with my life but not without the Lord's help and guidance.
I think I need to make some new friends, not that I don't love my old friends but some single friends could be nice too. It's a funny dilemma really because as a couple you have mainly couple friends, but now I'm single I sometimes feel out of place in the couple friends scene - kinda like a third wheel. Now I'm not sure how to go about making new single friends bar putting a sign around my neck that reads 'single and available' - lol!! which probably isn't a very good or very wise plan at all. Actually the thought of 'putting myself out there' to make new friends is a wee bit scary so I'm not going to worry about it and I'll just leave it all in the Lord's hands. He's got it sorted I'm sure ;0)
On the subject of friends I have been instrumental in getting 2 new groups up and running in the last month or so for the ladies from Church. One is a fortnightly afternoon coffee fellowship group for the older ladies in the congregation most of whom prefer not to go out at night. We bring along something to do (eg: knitting, embroidery, crochet) if we want and otherwise the focus is on fellowship and spending time together. We have between 8-10 ladies who attend when they can. The other is a monthly evening ladies group which has been named GIGGLES (I can see you smiling). GIGGLES stands for Girls In God, Growing, Loving, Eating & Sharing. We got together for the first time last week with a meal and movie night. Ten ladies attended and we had an awesome and fun filled night.
What else have I been up to since I last wrote??
I've been working some extra mornings at work which has been great. In fact I am now doing an extra morning every fortnight. I had a wonderful dinner out at my brother and sister-in-law's place, an awesome day out with my sister chicks in Paraparaumu - it always does my heart good spending time with these beautiful and wise sisters in Christ. I had a catch up day with my sister and her children when they came up to Levin for a visit. I had a Skype session with my new grandson Asher - well actually with his daddy and mummy, but he was there even if he slept through it. I made a day trip up to Ingelwood with Mum and Dad to pick up the newest member of their family - a dog. I've been out with the GIGGLES group, attended the coffee fellowship afternoon group twice, I finally finished and washed the baby shawl for Yvette, looked after Noah as usual on Mondays and managed to read 3 books. Oh I also applied for the 3 jobs I wrote about earlier which I didn't get, served customers, delivered orders, worked on TradeMe, did the usual housework, laundry and lawns. Sounds really busy that's for sure.
I'm looking forward to making a trip down to Christchurch soon to spend some time with Tim, Yvette and Asher. So looking forward to having Oma cuddles with this precious wee boy.
I'm off to do some knitting, I'm working on a jersey for Noah.
May He who hold us all in the palm of His hand be with you this week. May He watch over you and bless you all.
Till next time.
Love and blessings