It's Sunday evening again so time to write a new blog.

We had an awesome if somewhat tiring time with our beautiful grand-daughter.  She does early mornings and is pretty much on the go all day.  Jack the dog was her best friend next to her baby cousin Noah.  As nice as it was to have Inge here it is was also nice to be just the 2 of us again.  It's amazing how big the lounge suddenly looks when there are no toys strewn around it ;0)

Roy has had an interesting week. He sleeps a lot more these day, but he is not really getting the refreshing restful sleep that he needs. When he sleeps he has dreams/hallucinations and lots of spasms.  These hallucinations are very real and he is very active in them, with lots of hand gestures and talking.  Sometimes he says things that are just a continuation of the 'dream' and when I look at him blankly he realises that it isn't real and he isn't making sense. This does lead to less than restful nights for me too. The line between dreamworld and reality has become very bleary at times and has left me sometime wondering if the things he tells me are real or not.

When the hospice nurse came this week she said this was all due to the morphine that he is on so it was decided to take him off the morphine and put him onto another pain med which is not supposed to have these kinds of side effects.  The new meds were started yesterday and I must say the spasms seem less and he is definitely more awake than he was last night.  The hallucinations still seem to be happening, but even they seem to be less - time will tell and I suppose it takes a while for the morphine to leave his system.

Another 'setback' is that Roy has been finding the stairs a lot more difficult the last few days.  This is a BIG worry and a potential problem, esp as tonight he actually tripped on them.  Thank goodness he didn't hurt himself.  We are expecting a visit from the Occupational Therapist this week so they can access what Roy's needs are, but the need to sell the house has now become very real.  And yet should the house sell it'll still take time to finalise and so we really need to address the situation we now find ourselves in and sort out solutions that'll work.

At times I really struggle to understand what the Lord's will is - in my 'humble' thinking if the house is not meant to sell than Roy should be ok and able to cope with living here, but that doesn't seem to be the case anymore and yet the house doesn't seem to be selling and Roy is going down hill - in my not understanding/disbelief I cry out to God - HELP, WHY and WHAT ARE WE MEANT TO DO NOW??????????????  I know that all things will work out to His glory and that He is in control and has a plan - I just sometimes wish He'd let me in on the plan so I know what to expect and where to go from here!!!!  As human beings we want to be in control, rather than leaving it to God and trusting in Him.  The Bible says "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34  And it's so true because when we get to tomorrow things have or are worked out.

Roy is now eating less and less, with food generally being unappealing and most things not tasting very good anymore.  Breakfast is still the best meal for him, lunch is so so and dinner is the most unappealing. I suggested he have breakfast for every meal - he's always liked all day breakfasts ;0)  

As a result of Roy eating less I am also eating less - every cloud has a silver lining (but yes I am looking after myself) and I am loosing weight,  prob the extra running around I'm doing now is helping too - I have plenty to spare so that's ok.  I went to the doc this week to get some scripts and while there I had my blood pressure checked - I kinda expected it to be high, all things considering - but it was normal.  Praise the Lord.

This week looks like it will be a bit more quiet, although we've had a few people ask if it's ok to pop in to visit, which it is.  Tomorrow Roy needs to go for a blood test so they can see what his bloods are up to. I might even manage to get some sewing done which would be nice as I do have some orders to fill.

Well I think that's it for this weeks update.  I've just helped Roy upstairs as he's off to bed and so will I be soon.  I think I might just read for a while as I've got a good book at the moment - Simple Genius by David Baldacci.

Please pray that Roy has peaceful nights sleep this week and that he feels more rested and refreshed.

Have a great week.

Love and blessings
Jolanda