I can't believe I'm actually going to write this but ...... I almost wish we were heading into winter rather than summer.  Yip I really said that - lol!!  And that from someone who loves summer. Notice I did say almost as I really am pleased that summer is on it's way, loving the sunny days, longer evenings, bare feet, shorts and t-shirt weather.  The reason I'm looking forward to winter is because my new wood burner has been installed and I want to use it.  Actually  I have had it on twice, not because I really needed it but there were a couple of coolish evening so I tried it out.  I love it.  The heat is amazing.  So nice to have the whole house toasty warm.  Here is a pic of the before and the after.

Unfortunately I do have to do a little bit of tiling as we discovered that they had not tiled under the old gas heater. There are tiles ther but they are the old tiles that they covered with the new bigger tiles. I am thinking of getting some sort of contrasting mosaic looking tiles to put into the empty space.  Haha I will probably find that I just live with it the way it is for the time being, it's not so noticeable as the wood burner sits over the top of it and in winter I will probably store some firewood under the wood burner and then it wont be noticeable at all.  Thankfully I was able to sell the gas heater which was a bonus.

Since I wrote last I have had a very busy few weeks.  I had an awesome day with my sister chicks from Wellington.  It is always so nice to be able to spend the day together but sadly it always flies by too quickly.  I feel very blessed to be able to call these two ladies not just my friends but my sisters as well.  They are wonderful listeners and encouragers and are a great blessing to me.

I have finally spent a whole day in my sewing room actually sewing.  I  finished 2 dresses that were waiting for hems and buttonholes and I made 3 other dresses from scratch.  It was an awesome feeling to be so creative.  I  can't wait to do some more sewing this coming weekend.  I have the spring cleaning bug and my sewing room has had a major overhaul last weekend.  I have been doing a lot of sorting out of fabric, measuring, labeling, and pricing for the Fabric-a-brac that I will be attending on the 1st November.  I am hoping to sell as much as possible of my fabric stash - and I have a BIG stash.  Once I was done with that I decided my sewing room needed a clean-up and that is exactly what it got, even the wardrobe got tidied.  I rearranged my sewing tables as well and I must say I'm very happy with the way things look - all neat and tidy. Almost a shame to mess it up again by sewing - lol!!  Inside the house I still need to spring clean the laundry, the downstairs office and the garage, but I think I might wait with the garage  till some of the boys are here to help.  Oh and the back shed could also do with a clean out - that is a job I'm not too keen on as I'm not sure what sort of creepy crawlies and little critters I might discover.  It'll def be a gloves on job.

I have been busy outside as well.  Last week I did the lawns twice in one week - the first day I did it without the catcher as it was pretty long, the next day I went over it again this time with the catcher on as I didn't like all the clumps of grass on the lawn.  My friend Diana reckons I have OCD - lol!!  She's probably right.  I can get a bit pedantic about some things. I just like things neat and tidy.   I even managed to mow the bank thanks to the ramp Dad sorted for me - 3 planks of wood.  It worked like a charm and means I can do it by myself.  Tomorrow if it is still nice weather I'll do the lawns again as they are growing so fast at the moment.  Diana's hubby Hillary came over with his chain-saw and chopped down 2 Camilla trees that I wanted removed and also cut the lower branches off both the lemon and orange trees so that I no longer almost scalp myself when trying to mow under them.  I even managed to get some firewood out of the removed trees. I also found a whole lot of very dry firewood under the deck which Hillary kindly cut up.  I've become a wood and stick collector - lol!!  It is a shame to throw branches away when they can be saved, dried and used as kindling.  That's recycling right!!!!  

Life can be cruising along just fine when bang you hit an unexpected bump. That's what happened the other day when I suddenly developed a tooth ache. I tried to ignore it but that didn't work very well at all, so reluctantly off to the dentist I went.  The dentist discovered that my molar had a crack in it, hence the pain esp when eating something cold. Much drilling and tension on my part and it was all fixed. I am pain free, well almost, the pain to my wallet is still being felt.

I have finally decided to do a course (assuming Work and Income will pay for it) on accounts admin and payroll.  I think I need to get some sort of qualification as there are a number of jobs I can't/don't apply for because I don't have the relevant skills.  It'll be good to have something to work towards and that I can add to my CV.

All in all I am  becoming content with my life, although I still have moments when being alone gets me down.  But I am finally finding my rhythm and my walk with the Lord grows stronger daily.  I continue to put my trust in Him and seek His guidance in my life.  I know that the Lord loves me and that I need to look to Him (which I do) but sometimes I can't help thinking that love with skin on would be nice too.

Well on that note I think that is about it for another chapter. 

Until next time.

Love and blessings.

Jolanda

It's Murphy's Law!!!!!

No sooner was my gas heater turned off than the weather went pear shaped.  The temperature dropped to winter temps  which resulted in the best dumping of snow on the Tararua's we've had all winter.  In fact since having no gas heater we are onto our second cold snap already.  I decided to use the oil column heater that I had been given, but for some reason it wasn't working so Dad gave me the instruction book to read.  But before reading the instructions I though maybe it would be easier to use the small fan heater I use in the downstairs office. Sadly that was not to be - it went - as in it turned on - but for some reason it wasn't heating, just pumping out cold air so no use at all.  I plugged the oil heater in instead and after reading the instructions turned the dial and there was a poof sound and a terrible smell and that heater had died too and fearing a fire I very quickly unplugged it.  Two heater down!!  I even thought (only  for a fleeting second  mind you) about sitting in the bathroom as it was nice an warm in there thanks to the towel rail being on.  My sister in law suggested that I could  fill the bath with pillows so I'd have a comfortable place to recline.  I must say candles can be a good source of heat and with the sliding door to the dining room shut the lounge does become warm-ish.  Thankfully I now have an old bar heater to use when I need it and thankfully to date it is still going.  The good news is that I can almost guarantee that as from this coming Wednesday the weather is going to improve - because that is when they are coming to install my new fire!!

My brother Ron and Dad are going to build me a wood storage shelter in an unused part of my back yard but close enough to the back door that I don't have to cart a full wood basket for miles.  I'll do some before and after photos.  It is an area that isn't used at the moment but does need mowing so I'm all for less lawn.  Better order some fire wood too.

It is a bit strange to now have no children living in Levin.  Something I discovered I do need to adjust too, and actually grieved over a wee bit.  Their lives all move on - as they should - but I must admit to feeling a bit stuck and left behind.  Not that I am making any plans to move as I totally believe that you shouldn't follow your children around, and anyway I have 4 so how do I choose???  I'm actually feeling a lot better about it now that time has moved on a bit.  We will just have to make an effort to stay in touch, but I guess that is the case in so many aspects of life.

Last week I had a lovely day out Op shopping with one of my best and oldest friends.  Not that this friend is old (although she is older than me, but only by about 11 months 2 weeks)  but we've been friends for years - in fact we worked out that we'll be hitting 38 years of friendship next year.  We decided that when we get to our 40th anniversary we'll do something special, DV, - no idea what we're going to do yet but we've got time to think about it.

Although we have had some cold days we've also had some lovely warm spring days as well.  Last week Wed was glorious so I made the most of it and spent the day outside.  I managed to get the lawns done, the veggie garden turned over and some veggies planted, my asparagus is starting to sprout new spears - yum.  I transplanted the strawberry plants which were growing in the veggie garden and planted them into containers for up on the deck.  Now there is just the front garden to weed and mulch.  I'm not really sure what to do with the front garden.  At the moment it's a bit of a wild mess with bulbs popping up all over the place.  It really needs some structure.  I'll have to give it some thought.

Mum, Dad and I did a trip down to Wellington 2 Sunday's ago to visit Dad Nugteren.  Nephew Andrew was also in Wellington and did the morning service.  Dad Nugteren came to Church which was wonderful, but very tiring for him.  We were thankful that we got to see him at Church because he was fast asleep when we went to the rest home to visit him - 2 nurses tried to wake him without any  success so we left him a note and headed back to Levin.  We plan to go down again sometime in Nov.

Rejection sucks - big time and it does little for your self confidence.  Last week Monday I had 2 job rejections in one day - it sure put a bit of a damper on my day.  I have been giving things some thought and when I go for my next meeting with my case working I will talk to her about maybe doing a book-keeping or beginners accounting course.  Or maybe I should go down a completely different track and do a hairdressing course.  It'll give us something to talk about.

I am really looking forward to this coming week - I'm having a 'chick' day with my 2 very dear friends from Wellington and of course my wood burner is being installed.  I am also planning on carry on my 'spring cleaning/sorting' which I started today by sorting out the wardrobe in my sewing room.  Today I did the wardrobe in the spare room.  I have applied to have a stall at the Fabric-a-brac event in Palmerston North at the beginning of Nov and want to see if I can sell off some of my fabric and accessory stash.  

Well that's it for another installment. 

Until next time.

Love and blessings

Jolanda

It's official - I am finally human!!!!!!!! Well as far as Winz (oops make that the Ministry of Social Development) is concerned. I have always felt like a number with them, but no longer. Last week I had another meeting with them. I tried to get out of it but that was a no goer so off I went armed with a few issues I wanted to get sorted and all the jobs I have applied for this year - quite a bundle I must say.  I saw a very nice lady who was not only on time but who will also be my case manager  from now on. I'm not sure why it has taken this long to be allocated a case manager, but then there is lots about MSD that I don't understand.  We had a nice chat and ironed out a number of concerns I had. She was very impressed at how I have been managing and how active I have been in seeking work. She has assured me that if anything come up that she thinks will suit me that she'll be in touch (we'll see) and if there was anything I need, or any courses I wanted to do to let her know and she'd see what she could do for me. She seemed willing to bend over backwards to help me as she said I'm not the sort of person who comes in every week looking for a handout. Haha!!!  I told her the less dependent I was on them the better.  From now on I have to see her ever 4-6 weeks just for a quick catch up which shouldn't take more than 5 mins she reckons.  All in all a good outcome and I was able to get to work only an hour later than my usual start time.

Actually although the meeting with MSD went well it has left me feeling a bit meh!! (for the loss of a better word), no maybe contemplative is a better word. My case manager said that if there were any courses I wanted to do to let her know, which got me wondering - was there???  Is there a course I'd like to do and if so what?? Here I am applying for jobs because I need work and that's ok but what do I really, really want to do?????  I honestly have no idea!!!!  I guess I'll just keep applying for jobs (2 more this past week) until inspiration strikes - if it ever does or until I get a job.

Tuesday a week ago the GIGGLES group from Church had another get together.  We had a lovely evening of fellowship and did a personality test, which was a lot of fun and caused much laughter.  Most of us had a fair idea what we thought we were before doing the test.  My personality is that of a Beaver very closely followed by Golden Retriever with a bit of Lion mixed in as well.  My lowest score was as an Otter (you'll have to Goggle them if you want to know more.  Here is the link Personality Test).  It was actually interesting to do this test as I think my results would have been a bit different if Roy had still been alive.  Due to his death the Lion part of my personality has become stronger than it would have otherwise been.

Last week Friday I had an evening out. A proper dress up evening out.  I haven't had one of those sorts of evenings out in a very long time.  Aimee and I had a mother daughter date night.  First we went out for a very yummy and rather fancy, but not too expensive dinner during which I had my first ever cocktail, what a sheltered life I've lead!!   I am happy to report it was very, very delicious and I'm sure I'll be trying them again in the future ;0)  After dinner we strolled down to the beautiful Regent Theater in Palmerston North were we went to see The Phantom of the Opera stage show.  It was a..maz..ing!!!  Loved it, loved it, loved it. The Phantom is my all time favourite musical.  When it came out as a film I saw it a number of times and even bought the dvd.  In fact I have 2 versions on dvd.  The opening music gave me goosebumps and brought tears to my eyes.  The singing and acting was wonderful - it was the best night out ever.

I stayed the night at Aimee and Richard's and the next morning I got to go and watch Noah do his swimming lesson which was fun.  He is very confident in the water.  We had lunch in town and then Noah came home with me for the weekend as Richard was away Sat/Sun and Aimee had to work. It (Noah's stay) started out well but once again he became unwell - I am honestly starting to get a complex as he seems to often be unwell when he come to stay at my place. In the mornings he was fine,  ate a hearty breakfast and was his normal happy self, but by days end he was running a temp, glassy eyed, coughing, runny nose and looking very miserable. Thanks to paracetamol he slept well at night. I took him home on Monday and on Tuesday Aimee took him to the Doctor - his chest and throat were fine but he did have an ear infection in both ears, which explained why he was unsteady on his feet. The poor wee guy is now on antibiotics and hopefully on the mend.

The other exciting thing (well I think it's exciting) is that I've made a BIG decision. I received a letter earlier in the month from my gas provider letting me know that from the 1st Oct my daily charge would be going up from 90 cents to $1.25 a day. The gas fire is the only thing in my house on gas which means for 6-7 months of the year I'd be paying nearly $40 for something I wouldn't be using. Back in 2011 we had to replace our old gas heater as it died and we looked at different options but decide to stick with the gas because at that stage we had a special deal where we didn't pay a daily charge but our usage charge was a bit higher. That was brilliant as it meant no bills over the warmer months.  However the original company was taken over by another company and they discovered they weren't making any money off me over the summer months so they reinstated the daily charge, but kindly lowered the usage charge. But now they want to up the daily charge up again which I'm not thrilled about at all, so after some thought I have decided to get rid of the gas heater and I had some quotes for a wood burner instead. I didn't want to get a heat pump as I don't like them - they're too drafty and my area is too big to heat. The quotes are in and I have decided which one I'll take (the cheapest of course). I rang the gas company and they sent me a form to fill out giving consent to having the meter removed which apparently could take 5-10 working days depending how busy the service man was. Well apparently they're not too busy here in Levin because I emailed the form back yesterday afternoon and this morning at 9am a man was standing at the front door to come and remove the meter. In less than 5mins he was all done and gone.  I  can now expect a bill to arrive for $150 + gst  which really seems a bit steep for 5mins work and considering they take the meter with them as well, not that I have any use for it.  Tomorrow I'll go and drop off the signed copy of the quote and get that ball rolling - in the meantime should this cool-ish yucky, rainy weather continue I'll just have to rug up and if it gets really cold, I'll either go to bed or succumb and use the column heater .

Finally! Finally!! I have my sew-jo back. Or should I say my sewing mojo?!! I spent a bit of time in my sewing room cleaning up and sorting out recently.  I especially had a sort out of my fabric/s, which isn't easy going when you're a fabricaholic like I am and have a lot of fabric (oops found a vise after all - lol!!).  Every piece of fabric was a struggle because I would suddenly get an idea of what I could use it for, but I was tough on myself and now I have a container full of fabric waiting to be photographed and listed on TradeMe.  I suspect that I'm going to have the same struggle when I take their photos.  It felt good to be in my sewing room and I am so inspired that I have almost finish the first in a series of dresses for Inge - she is fortunate to be the only grand-daughter at this stage because I  love designing and sewing little girls dresses.  Ryan and Ineke I suggest you make sure Inge's suitcase is almost empty when you come in December because I'll be able to fill it for her ;0)
This past week I have stopped watching the news because I am so over all the rubbish they have on there every night.   It is much more relaxing to watch another episode from my collection of Remington Steel dvd's instead.

Tomorrow I'm off to Otaki to lend a hand 'dismantling' the Conservative Party shop so it is all gone before election day. Then in the afternoon it'll be time to get the Church bulletin done again for another week and  hopefully Joel and Tia will be coming for dinner and a catch-up on how their house hunting has been going. They are planning to move to Palmerston North where Tia now has a job at Melody's Bakery where Richard and Aimee work.  Joel has been made redundant from his job so is also busy looking for work in Palmy.  It will be strange not having any of the children here in Levin anymore, but so is life.

All in all it's been an eventful couple of weeks in which a lot has happened and I have achieved much too.  I thank the Lord for continued good health (although I still have a lingering cough which is a bit annoying) and I continue to trust in Him for all things.

Until next time.

Love and blessings
Jolanda

Who'd have thought that I'd be going into politics!?  Definitely not me but I kind of have.  I received an email last 2 weeks ago from the Conservative Party - of which I'm a member - letting me know who the candidate for my area was. The email included contact details if I wanted to help in any way like distributing pamphlets or host a sign.  So without a seconds thought I flicked off an email offering my services to distribute pamphlets and my front berm for a hoarding.  On the Sunday the lady popped in to drop off the pamphlets, I invited her in (not something I usually do with strangers) and we had a lovely chat. Things have kind of snowballed and I am now her secretary of sorts. I manage her database, write and send out letters as required and will help out in her campaign office in Otaki when I can.  Sadly it is unpaid but it'll look good to be able to add this to my CV.  Exciting times ahead and I'm learning a lot, but otherwise things on the job front are very quiet - 3 more applied for and 2 more rejections.  The latest one that I applied for really, really appeals but we'll have to wait and see - it closes next week.

After 2 weeks I have finally stopped coughing, almost and am slowly getting my voice back.  It still gets a bit croaky towards the end of the day and esp when I'm tired but it's way better than it was.  I have had to cancel having Bible Study at my place twice already due to being unwell, so Lord willing this week it will go ahead.

Yesterday was the first day of spring and also another birthday that Roy is not here to celebrate.  I spent the day up in Palmy looking after Noah which was nice.  He is a good distraction.  But it was bittersweet too.  It makes me sad that my grandchildren have no Opa and have little or no memory of him.  On Sat while doing my much needed housework (haha makes it sound like the place was a tip, but anyone who know me will know that my house is never a tip, I just hadn't dusted in a while)  I stopped to look through the photo album I made for Roy about his life -  probably not the best plan as it ended in tears - literally, but it did get me thinking about the book I want to make for my grandchildren so that they can know who their Opa was.  It's a wee project that will eventually happen just not yet as I'm not sure I'm quite ready yet.  At the moment it's still formulating in my head.

I recently did one of those quiz things that are so popular on Facebook at the moment - it was how rebellious were you as a teenager.  Mine came in at 16%.  I can even name the 2 major rebellious events in my teenage years, although Mum and Dad may be able to name a few more - they were piercing my own ears and sneaking outside to smoke without Mum and Dad knowing - yeah right like they were born yesterday!! Horrors!!!!!  What a rebel!!!!  Actually I wasn't I never did the night-club scene or the excessive drinking thing.  We had parties but that was always with the Church youth-club.  I have probably been tipsy once in my life.  See I really was a 'good' girl. Recently I read an article (prob while waiting for the Doc at the beginning of August) about the actress Helen Mirren.  In it she said - "I'm a would-be rebel. The good girl who'd like to be a bad one.  But I’ll never make it as a bad girl…I’m too fearful. Too much of a wimp,"  Haha that's me.  My wild child is well and truly buried I think, however I have discovered that I am way stronger than I ever knew, and every now and then the rebel in me makes an appearance. I like the heady 'freedom' of not being 'answerable' to anyone - except God of course.  Sure I'm going to make mistakes, but they're mine to make and hopefully learn from.  I'll listen to advise but weigh it up with what I want, need and what I think is going to work best for me. Some people will think I'm plain crazy and that's ok, they can think what they like. 

What's she gone and done now I hear you asking??  I guess after that spiel there must be something coming!!  

Don't worry it's nothing really drastic like dying my hair purple, getting a nose ring - hmm now there's a thought, or selling up and joining a commune - lol!!!

If you've kept up to date with my blogs you'll remember that back in July (the 29th actually) I wrote about feeling like I had lost sight of the Lord's work in my life and the comfort I found in the words of the song by Stewart Townsend - "In Christ alone my hope is found, He is my light, my strength, my song; my Comforter, my All in All, here in the love of Christ I stand."  Well I can now see those words everyday - yip I've gone and had them tattooed on my inner arm.  I imagine right now there is a bit of head shaking and tut-tutting going on.  It's ok, keep calm and carry on!!  I don't have many vises - I don't drink (excessively) I don't smoke, gamble, do drugs but I do like to express myself with body art.  It gives me great comfort to see those words - "In Christ alone my hope is found" - and for me a beautiful testimony of where I am in my journey not only as a widow but also in my spiritual life.

So there you go, now you know.  Time to pick your jaw back up off the floor.  As for me I'm off to make dinner - home made veggie soup.  I am definitely  loving these evenings now that it's longer light - a sure sign that summer is once again on it's way.

Till next time.

Love and blessings

Jolanda

I'm over August.  The sooner it's finished the better.  August has not been a good month for me health wise.

I started the month with a tummy bug thanks to a visit to the doctor.  I think!!  I had to go and see the doc as I needed some new scripts.  Because I haven't actually seen a doctor since October last year they booked me in.  After a 45mins wait I saw the doc for a total of probably 5 minutes and was then charged a hefty bill.  I really think you should get a discount for the time you have to wait after you appointment has passed.  Anyway I left with the needed scripts and as it turns out the tummy bug had secretly hitched a ride too.  I felt ok the rest of the day although I did have a bit of a headache and at dinner time I felt a bit light headed, but I thought that maybe I'd just stood up to fast.  Joel had kindly bought Indian for dinner - mango chicken for me with a garlic naan.  However after dinner things were not sitting quite so well - garlic and I don't usually get on very well even though I love it so I thought that was probably the problem.  As the evening progressed so did the feeling of un-wellness.  Finally after a very restless night with a number to trips to the bathroom the mango chicken and rice and I finally parted company.  What a relief!!!  I sure felt better once my tummy was empty.  I can tell you I was very, very pleased I'd taken a bowl to bed cause there was no way I'd have made it to the bathroom in time.  Throwing up really, really sucks, even more so when you're all by yourself.   Needless to say Indian is not going to be on the menu for a while, in fact anything that has rice in it is a no go for a while I think. Shudder!!!!!!

I spent the next day (Saturday) on the couch in the lounge.  My Mum - bless her - was my angel of mercy delivering a big bottle of lemonade and a box of chicken cuppa soup - just the thing for sick tummies.  In between sleeping I watched one of my favourite shows from the 80's on DVD - Remington Steele - nothing like watching a suave and very good looking young Pierce Brosnan to help you feel a bit better. Amazingly even though I slept off and on during the day I slept really well that night too.  Sunday and Monday were quiet stay at home recovery days as I was pretty tired and weak from not eating for a few days.  I had planned to go and look after Noah on Monday as I woke feeling pretty good that morning, but after my shower I was just worn out so thought it best to spend the day at home.

Thankfully by the following weekend I was well again and off I went down to Christchurch for a long weekend to see Tim and Yvette and to finally meet my new grandson Asher.  He is a bonny wee lad who looks very much like his daddy as a baby. It was so nice to have Oma cuddles with him.  Richard, Aimee and Noah came along too and we had a wonderful weekend together.   Interestingly Noah wasn't too interested in Asher.  Maybe it's a boy/girl thing because I remember Inge being very interested in Noah when he was a baby.  She was all over him.  The weather was beautiful the whole time we were there although nippy esp at night and the company was even better.  We  were also able to Skype with Ryan, Ineke and Inge which was really nice.  On Monday afternoon we headed home again arriving in a wild, windy and very wet Wellington.  The landing into Wellington was one of the bumpiest I've ever experienced.  We were really pleased when we finally made it down.

Now that I'm home I am sick again - this time I have a terrible cough.  I cough so much that by the end of the day I have a headache.  I also have a croaky voice, a sore chest from coughing so deeply and at times a bit of a temperature.  I'm also really tired but I guess all the coughing will do that.  All in all I feel blah and I'm praying that this cold will soon be gone.  I started August with being sick and it looks like I'm ending the month that way too.

So between being sick and tripping to Christchurch I have also worked, applied for 2 more jobs, and finished knitting and finally sewn up a cute jersey for Noah - love the knitting part but hate the putting together part.  I also did a bit of sewing - friend  needed 2 new wheat bags for her Mum so I whipped them up for her.  It actually felt good to get behind my sewing machine again and the urge to sew is coming back, esp as I bought some lovely fabric so I can sew some dresses for my favourite grand daughter.  The problem  though is that my sewing room is a mess and in serious need of some attention.  I hate working in clutter - when I get my energy back I'm going to do a HUGE spring clean.  At the moment I only go in there to dump stuff or to get the vacuum cleaner.  I better be careful I don't become like the hoarders you see on TV.

Well I think that's about it from me for the time being I'm off to read for a while before going to bed..

Thanks for your continued love, support and prayers.

God bless.

Love and hugs
Jolanda

PS: If this contains more mistakes than normal I apologise, blame it on the cold. ;0)

I know it's been a while since you've heard anything from me.  I have been meaning to write but couldn't. Why haven't I felt like writing?? Because I've been stuck!!  I've been in a funk or maybe a rut is a better way to describe it.  I've lost my direction and I hate to admit it I've lost a bit of my sparkle and enthusiasm.

Maybe it's a winter thing, but the last few weeks have been pretty hard going.  It's been so bad that I've even stopped going swimming in the morning - mind you the freezing mornings have definitely had something to do with that, but I'm not even motivated to take Jack to the dog park when the weather is good.  I don't sew anymore either - I have a number of unfinished things waiting for attention and I have no interest at all.  The only time I enter my sewing room these days is to get out the vacuum cleaner - see it's bad  I'm definitely in a rut!!!!

Now don't get me wrong the last few weeks haven't been all bad - there have been plenty of high points/blessings but these have been a wee bit overshadowed by the lower points.  Over the last few weeks I applied for 3 more jobs and got 3 'rejections' back.  That really has put a dampener on my self confidence and has left me feeling very disheartened.  I guess I'm itching to get on with my life, move forward if you like and I'm not sure how or where I'm meant to be going.

So how do I move forward??  I'm past the coping, sorting, coming to terms stage, I'm ready for the what's next stage but I have no idea how to move forward from the rut I now find myself in.

I want????????????????????????  I want??????????????????????????  What do I want????????????

I want my old life back - a happy content life where I am financial stable, had a man who loved me, goals and dreams ..............

These days the goals and dreams seem too hard.  I'm tired, lonely and yip feeling very VERY sorry for myself.

And then the Lord gave me a much needed kick in the pants with some very thought provoking sermons, a wonderful series of books I've just finished reading and here I am feeling like blogging again.

I have become anxious because I have lost sight of the power and work of the Lord in my life.  God is my refuge and fortress, in Him I trust (Psalm 91:1-2).  I can trust that He is in control of all things for He takes a personal interest in my life.  God claims my trust for He has done great things for me through the death and resurrection of His Son.  To quote the words of a favourite song - In Christ alone my hope is found, He is my light, my strength, my song; my Comforter, my All in All, here in the love of Christ I stand.

And so I strive to stop trying to do things in my own strength but to rely daily on His strength.  I strive to seek Him daily for my comfort and peace.  I strive to work on being patient, on waiting on the Lord to reveal the path He has set before me, a path which will be revealed in His good timing and I strive for a closer walk with Him.

Is it easy????  Nope I'm as human as any of you, but I know that with the Lord's help I can do it.  As I said I'm itching to move forward with my life but not without the Lord's help and guidance.

I think I need to make some new friends, not that I don't love my old friends but some single friends could be nice too.  It's a funny dilemma really because as a couple you have mainly couple friends, but now I'm single I sometimes feel out of place in the couple friends scene - kinda like a third wheel. Now I'm not sure how to go about making new single friends bar putting a sign around my neck that reads 'single and available' - lol!! which probably isn't a very good or very wise plan at all.  Actually the thought of 'putting myself out there' to make new friends is a wee bit scary so I'm not going to worry about it and I'll just leave it all in the Lord's hands.  He's got it sorted I'm sure ;0)

On the subject of friends I have been instrumental in getting 2 new groups up and running in the last month or so for the ladies from Church.  One is a fortnightly afternoon coffee fellowship group for the older ladies in the congregation most of whom prefer not to go out at night.  We bring along something to do (eg: knitting, embroidery, crochet) if we want and otherwise the focus is on fellowship and spending time together.  We have between 8-10 ladies who attend when they can.  The other is a monthly evening ladies group which has been named GIGGLES (I can see you smiling). GIGGLES stands for Girls In God, Growing, Loving, Eating & Sharing. We got together for the first time last week with a meal and movie night.  Ten ladies attended and we had an awesome and fun filled night.

What else have I been up to since I last wrote??

I've been working some extra mornings at work which has been great.  In fact I am now doing an extra morning every fortnight.  I had a wonderful dinner out at my brother and sister-in-law's place, an awesome day out with my sister chicks in Paraparaumu - it always does my heart good spending time with these beautiful and wise sisters in Christ.  I had a catch up day with my sister and her children when they came up to Levin for a visit.  I had a Skype session with my new grandson Asher - well actually with his daddy and mummy, but he was there even if he slept through it.  I made a day trip up to Ingelwood with Mum and Dad to pick up the newest member of their family - a dog.  I've been out with the GIGGLES group, attended the coffee fellowship afternoon group twice, I  finally finished and washed the baby shawl for Yvette, looked after Noah as usual on Mondays and managed to read 3 books. Oh I also applied for the 3 jobs I wrote about earlier which I didn't get, served customers, delivered orders, worked on TradeMe, did the usual housework, laundry and lawns.  Sounds really busy that's for sure.

I'm looking forward to making a trip down to Christchurch soon to spend some time with Tim, Yvette and Asher.  So looking forward to having  Oma cuddles with this precious wee boy.

I'm off to do some knitting, I'm working on a jersey for Noah.

May He who hold us all in the palm of His hand be with you this week.  May He watch over you and bless you all.

Till next time.

Love and blessings
Jolanda

Wow 2 blogs in one week - well I did say I'd post something when I have news.

I feel very blessed to let you all know that I have another grandchild. 

Introducing Asher Roy Nugteren.

Born at 3.01pm 1st July and weighing in at 9lb.

What a blessing from the Lord this precious little man is. 

To be honest I have very mixed emotions - although I am very, very happy at Asher's birth  it is tinged with a bit of sadness as I miss having Roy here to share this wonderful moment with.  You think when you've passed 1 year that you've faced all the firsts but it's not true. Odd ones pop up when you least expect them.  I'm sure there will still be others to face that I'm not even aware of.

Brrrrrr I think winter has finally arrived.  It is very cold today and I think there will be a good dumping of snow on the hills.  That'll be the first this winter.   I always love snow on the hills - it gives Levin a holiday town feel.  Makes for a cheap holiday ;0)

Stay warm those of you who are suffering from the cold.

Till next time.

Love and blessings

Jolanda